INSTEAD of the time for making love, courtship should be a period for being acquainted. All subjects should be discussed which can possibly interest the couple in the future; few topics are too delicate to be considered by those who expect to spend their lives together. Study each others likes and dislikes; health, and future prospects, including religion, politics, and domestic interests. Some may think these subjects altogether foreign to orthodox courtship, but if political views should differ greatly after marriage, discussions may arise, and one party may taunt the other politically with candidates being dishonest or disqualified, and discord will result.
Then, again, if one should be High Church and the other Low, or one Presbyterian and the other Methodist, the consequent discussion of these differences will heat the brain. If through concession the wife should consent to go with the husband to church for the first few weeks, some circumstance may recall her to her former place of worship, where her old friends and family meet; and there she is invited to come again, and earnestly requested, that she may hear the new pastor preach, or to teach her old class again, offering some excuse to bring her back. Sabbath after Sabbath she sees fit to go, leaves her husband's side and returns to her old flock - to the church that she loves most. But in such a course there is no real satisfaction for either husband or wife, and all of these matters should be well considered before marriage.
To go to church alone; to listen to the sermon alone; to return alone; then sit and reflect alone, and yet be living the outward form of marriage, is a more solitary, gloomy, unsatisfied existence than to be absolutely alone; for the nominal companion only occupies the place a real one might, and serves as a barrier to a more genial and compatible associate. The husband and wife should be willing to go to the same church, listen to the same discourse, worship at the same altar, and be united religiously as well as socially, to make married life a happy, prosperous one.
One highly intellectual and educated should not marry one who takes no interest in learned matters. Such cannot agree, nor can such be society for each other. To study these qualifications, the interested parties should converse upon various subjects, and test the knowledge possessed by either. Correspond with each other with a double object in view, one for the sentiment or thought conveyed, the other to the neatness of execution, the correctness of spelling, punctuation, and the use of capital letters.
To one with a critical turn of mind and cultured taste, an error in any of the above particulars would be a strong objection and a source of constant humiliation, while in connection with those defects ungrammatical sentences and slang phrases would be unsurmountable barriers to wedded happiness.
An educated person of either sex with correct ideas of refined expression would, in marriage, find but little companionship in the association of one less favoured. This defect would not only be repulsive to endure personally, but would keep the one in constant fear of some erroneous, if not absurd, expression from the lips that he or she would gladly shield from ridicule or censure by enjoined silence under cirumstanccs of probable exposure.
But this subjection to restraint would lessen the already deficient capacity to either speak or think, until the faculty wotild dwindle into nothingness. Then while the one attains the enviable reputation of a fine conversationalist, the other, although possessing many estimable qualities, would be so overshadowed by the other as to escape all recognition by the more enlightened classes, and in humility and sorrow would be compelled, by such an unfortunate experience, to realize the truth that this intellectual incompatibility had rendered them very unhappy, and would finally drift them quite apart, leaving repulsion and disregard to take the place of what had been supposed to be the tender tie of love.
After all important subjects have been discussed and marriage is settled upon, and the two betrothed, it is not wise to defer the marriage ceremony until a very distant day.
No benefit can arise from such a course. Be not in unbecoming haste until preparations can be made; but postponements many times afford a chance for officious friends to bar the marriage through jealousy ; or ambitious rivals to interfere and interrupt the happiness for life.
© avictorian.com | Proudly Hosted by Network Solutions
All rights reserved.
Our graphics, owner's Mission Statement and presentation are all copyright protected;
invasion of this privacy (by Plagiarism, using source HTML, and/or images/graphics will result in legal action.
Pages are scanned on a regular basis for evidence of Hyper-Theft.